Sorry you lost your lives, celebrities — I’m pretty sure you were fond of them. Still, with your current selves out of the way, we can now focus on remembering your heyday. Before we were forced to listen to those unfortunate details of your lives.

Howie Long’s “Ford drivers are effeminate pansies” is enough to make someone who has never cared one bit about this conflict go out and buy a “Calvin pissing on Chevy” sticker for a Honda!

My son seized the opportunity to make a precise request for the manner in which he would like to take his wake up, instead of the normal “rise and shine”. The clarity with which he answered made me wonder if he just been waiting for me to ask the question.

Our reality is that we have a 24-hour news feed of this stuff. It is what it is. Don’t go overboard declaring that the world is going to hell in a handbasket, and don’t get callous to the point where these crazy news stories prevent you from treating real people well when you’re out in the world.

I can listen to this joke over and over again just to hear Seinfeld refer to a Subway sub as a “hoagie”.