I was reorganizing my important papers a bit and I noticed that I had actually classified my Social Security statements under “Long-Term Investments.”

Sign over the traffic-snarled beltway this morning: “Slow speeds save gas”

Approximately five gallons of sand can fit into a size six toddler shoe.

Taco Bell figures that your average weed smoker can cobble together a couple bucks for the value menu if he previously had enough disposable cash to put five on a sack.

The power of Internet-connected losers sending reams of emails at 3 AM to this woman on their televisions who they think is hot and talking directly to them should not be underestimated.