My cell phone is now officially held together with electrical tape and a toothpick. Please don’t make fun of me.

Instead of over-the-top emasculation, this Fresh Prince story retains Smith’s usual non-cursing innocence, telling the story of his and Jeff’s discovery of how to “have fun” while spending a night together, despite the absence of ladies.

I’m in an elevator right now.

How much work went into training that pig to sit on a toilet?

I actually said “Congratulations” to a woman who worked at a store to which I go frequently. Feeling the burning grip of fear overcome me, as I realized that her mid-section had always been that size and shape, I quickly played the exchange off as the byproduct of an insurmountable language barrier.