If you take the bottom bunk, you are an easier target for serial killers coming through the window, but if you take the top bunk, your feet hanging off edge of the bed more likely to be tickled by passersby.

Our current incarnation of “juiced” baseball is just not a compelling competition to watch. The games are out of balance. Baseball, the plodding, non-timed game that it is, especially needs balance. Otherwise, we should just replace nine inning games with daily home run derbies and all-star games. Or, get rid of players having to play offense and defense. Just allow nine designated hitters.

I recommend fans pick a new sport to follow — one where steroids won’t help or where the money is not good enough to make it worth anybody’s while to take performance enhancing drugs and risk acne, increased skull girth, and testicular shrivel.

Ooh, the woman in this song is the type that just drives me wild.

I knew this guy in college who enthusiastically insisted on calling the little bowl of sauce that comes with pizza “Dippin’ Grease!”